Underground Web Designers - A famous secret
brotherhood?
Published: 19th December 2006
Let’s face it, with a title like that I’m
already in trouble on any number of levels, not least
of which being the fact that it should really be a brother
and sisterhood as I’m sure I’ll be reminded
at some stage.
Although it may cause something of an outcry amongst
certain elements of the online community, this week I
thought I’d take a tongue in cheek look at what
it takes to become a member of that most exalted cadre
of internet professionals; those known only as ‘Underground
Web Designers’.
By and large, Underground Web Designers tend to be seen
as the more artistic (autistic?) cousins of conventional
internet professionals.
Sometimes called ‘Beatniks for the new Millennium’,
they are rebels against a strictly conformist internet
and as such benefit from a quasi-celebrity status with
other, obviously less enlightened, webbies.
If you are an internet professional looking to become
a member of this, the web design community’s most
mysterious sub sector, you must first achieve a number
of steps, comparable to the twelve tasks of Hercules in
their sheer difficulty.
- Remember that Underground Web Designers are ‘terribly
mysterious’
Consequently you must choose your nickname with great
care so as to uphold this reputation.
You may be Dave Smith from Steeple Bumpstead in Essex
in real life, but this does not have to stop you from
creating an altogether more mysterious online persona.
So, henceforth you will adopt the online nickname of
Bartemius and refuse to answer to any other form of
address.
- Every superhero needs a secret identity
Since the village of Steeple Bumpstead is utterly inferior
as the birthplace and residence of a professional
like Bartemius, you are now a Canadian who grew up
in Moscow and currently resides in Rome.
On a personal note, you come from a broken home*,
are a champion snowboarder** who
drinks excessive amounts of alcohol*** and
listens to German Industrial Techno.
*which
explains your quirky and often erratic personality
**since mysterious has
to be ‘cool’ or
better still ‘kewl’ somewhere along
the line
***in spite of the fact
that you aren’t old enough
to drink and the stuff makes you sick in any case
- Create your own mysterious style
Your site either needs to be full of garish colours
or dark and brooding in the Proto-Gothic tradition.
Don’t forget to make your fonts too small to be
read by the naked eye and coloured so as to cause eye
strain when viewed against the site’s background.
As far as content is concerned, you will need to republish
a load of interviews by other underground web designers
you’ve never heard of in order to achieve maximum
mystery effect.
I am still researching further requirements. Expect these
to be posted here shortly.
As you can see, becoming a member of the world-famous secret
brotherhood (and sisterhood of course) of underground web
designers requires not only skill, but creativity and an
unswerving eye for detail; attributes which we common or
garden web developers do not, alas, possess to such a highly
developed degree.
Shame really…
Underground web designers are in a league
of their own.
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