SEO is a Scam... The Online Conman's Quest for Riches
In your quest to enrich yourself and fuel the public’s opinion that all SEO is a scam, you’ll need to find a handful of initial customers so you can get the ball rolling properly.
As detailed on Page 1 of this article, find yourself a Low-Tech real-world tradeshow, or get out the Yellow Pages and create your own version of ‘Deal or no Deal’ to get yourself off the ground.
When you’re browsing through the business listings, focus on the most non-technological companies you can find. Names such as Buffa-Bowl Bill’s Bowling Balls, and Kitty’s Knitties should make ideal ‘marks’ for your purposes.
If we know SEO is a Scam, why do people keep falling for ths Sales Spiel?
Of course you’ll need a smooth, silky telephone manner to lull potential customers, but that is of course another one of the SEO Scamster’s prerequisites.
Here’s what you do when they answer the phone:
”Hello, this is (insert made-up name here); what is your company’s website address?”
Once they tell you, visit their site and comment as follows:
”Oh, it looks like Google and the other search engines can’t index your site properly. Who would I need to speak to about getting that fixed?"
At this point, whoever's on the phone will most likely pass the buck and put you through to someone they think knows more… BINGO! From there it’s just sales patter, because chances are that the person on the other end of the phone knows a lot less than you do, but is in a position to write checks.
Once you’ve got two or three contracts this way, you’ll be able to employ another telemarketing person. I say person, but if you employ a woman with a really sexy voice, it will likely pay greater dividends, since most potential clients will be businessmen in their 40s and 50s.
Step 3 - Give over-the-top guarantees
While the vast majority of your clients will be using Google users, you’ll go much further than promising them Top-10 rankings with this search engine alone. No, you’re much better than that; by using your services the client will get Top-10 rankings with Yahoo and Bing too. Delivering the promised results will be simplicity itself, since you’ll do it by optimizing your customer’s website for “really long, oddly-worded key-phrases”, and search-terms with the “client’s company name in quotation marks like this”. Whatever you do, do not accept a share of increased revenues or ‘pay by result’ from your clients, since that wouldn’t make any money for you at all.
If the prospective customer seems reluctant, tell them you know that most people think SEO is a scam, and then tell them you’re strictly ‘White Hat’. They’ll have heard the term at some point, and won’t have a clue what it really means, but only good guys wear white hats, right?. While you’re at it, claim to know ‘certain people’ at Google (Matt Cutts is usually a good one, since even the most ignorant clients are likely to also have heard [something] of him) and can therefore guarantee ‘preferential listings’.
By preferential listings, you are of course talking about convincing the client to let you sell them an overpriced AdWords™ campaign which you’ll set up really badly at a premium cost.
Step 4 - Charge Top Dollar
If it costs more, it has to be better...
Let’s face it, by now you’re an ‘Established SEO Scamster’… errrm… I meant to say ‘Professional Search Engine Optimization Expert’ of course, so you may as well charge high-end rates for your expert services, because quite a lot of people will assume that more expensive automatically means better.
So your customers will now have to pay you $999 per month (minimum six month contract) for your continuing SEO work, plus an additional 20% to 25% of their AdWords or Yahoo! Search Marketing budget to cover account administration.
After a few months of this, raise your prices if your customer looks like they’ll put up with it, but under no circumstances work for any less than the original quote.
Given the fact that practices such as these are not all that uncommon within the Optimization sector, is it really surprising that many online business owners and netrepreneurs are beginning to think that SEO is a Scam?
